Learning to Counter Play

Chess has turned out to be much more challenging than I had imagined.    After binge watching the Netflix series, The Queen’s Gambit (thank you COVID-19), I decided it was time to try my hand at the game.  The lead character Beth Harmon made it look easy.  In reality, there are many rules, pieces, strategies that could take years to learn.  To me, it seems everyone plays the game differently and there is no template to follow. Everyone also willingly shares their advice about chess including President Bartlet from the fictional series “The West Wing”.  His suggestion was to “see the whole board not only the move in front of me”.   This game has taught me something about myself.  I play to protect not win.

My strategy was to defend the family.  As long as everyone was home and safe, I felt confident and comfortable.  As soon as someone suggested I more one of my pieces from my safe home base I felt very uncomfortable.   In a game with two players this not workable nor can be sustained.  A “piece” will have to leave in order to keep the game going.  Chess opened my eyes to a bigger issue  I had had been struggling to work through.  Our children were becoming adults and in order for the “game of life “to keep going I had to be ready for them to leave home base. 

I remember the exact moment each one of our children were born.  I can still see and feel the tiny helpless babies I promised to protect.  The transition from child to adult happens whether we want it to or not.  We as parents know it will happen but, it seemed fly too quickly.  As their Mom, I saw sweet 5-year olds learning to ride a bike. In reality, they were towering over me and wanting to fly. Ready or not it was here.

It took some time to realize that things had changed a lot.   They were now on their way to making their lives and the timeline was not up to me.  It was happening whether I wanted it or not.  I was no longer in charge.  They were finding their paths and wanted me along but not driving.

A big event like COVID-19 combined with traditions of Christmas helped me see reality. Life has a way of putting it into perspective. One of our holiday traditions has been letters to Santa.  Our children wrote letters discussing what they may like to receive for the season and the reasons why they wanted the items. As they grew older the letters became comical. This year our children didn’t write letters. They didn’t ask for anything, no toys, clothes, or books.  They explained, throughout the years we had given them so much they didn’t need or want anything except to be together as a family.

Initially, I felt similar to the Dad in The Christmas Story” when the dogs ate the turkey.  “No turkey leftovers, no turkey stew, no turkey hash”.   It was as if the wind had been knocked out of me, what do you mean no gifts?  What would I do without presents to purchase, wrap, put under the tree?  What about Santa? Where did I fit in this new paradigm?  After some time, the shock to the new situation wore off and I saw a new reality.  Our children had become adults without warning. I was no longer in charge. The holiday still existed and they wanted to be here. Their wish lists were no longer important. More importantly, they have grown to become successful, kind, and caring adults.  We did our job.

This new role is still somewhat fresh to me but, I am looking forward to the next steps of their lives.  Maybe my chess game will now include moving some pieces (let’s not get crazy) out of home base and find a new strategy.  Who knows where it could lead?